Tag Archive for abuse

Emotional Blackmail

July 8, 2020 Comments Off on Emotional Blackmail

“If you were my friend, you’d….”

“How would you like it if I told your parents/spouse/children/friends/boss that….”

“What about the time I did _____ for you?”

Anyone who says things like this to you is emotionally blackmailing you. So is gaslighting. And it isn’t always done with malicious intent.  Sometimes the person feels justified doing it. Even so, it’s abusive, and you shouldn’t put up with it. You need to confront it through communication.

If you think you or a loved one is being emotionally blackmailed, read this short but informative article, How to Spot the Toxic Behavior.

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Use Your Brain and Your Heart

August 7, 2019 Comments Off on Use Your Brain and Your Heart

You may want to give in to charitable appeals for recent tragedies, like mass shootings, earthquakes, and fires.  But don’t just follow your heart–engage your brain. Be sure those donations do some real good for real people rather than enriching scam artists or CEOs.  Clark Howard offers some tips:

  • Don’t give cash. Legitimate charities will take a check.
  • Don’t give out your credit card, bank account or personal information to telemarketers. If you want to donate, initiate the call yourself.
  • Don’t fall for Internet appeals if the cause does not look legitimate and doesn’t check out. Make sure to do your research!
  • Expect specific information. Ask what kind of relief this organization is going to provide. Don’t accept vague explanations.
  • Check out the charity with national, state, and local authorities. Established charities register with the Internal Revenue Service. You can search for specific non-profit organizations on the IRS website: irs.gov.
  • Beware of newly formed organizations. If the charity is new, you may have to rely on your relationship with the company or sponsor of the organization to determine whether you trust the group.
  • Report abuses to the nearest Better Business Bureau and the State Attorney General’s office. Both are listed in local telephone directories. You can also report abuses to the National Fraud Information Center at (800) 876-7060. NFIC also has a web-based complaint form at www.fraud.org.

And here’s one of my own:  Check to see how much of your donation will go to charitable work as compared to administrative costs (including CEOs) and fundraising costs.  Look them up at www.CharityNavigator.org or the Better Business Bureau site www.BBB.give.org.

For more tips on donating, check out Clark’s Donation Guide.

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Is Child Abuse a National Pastime?

July 12, 2019 Comments Off on Is Child Abuse a National Pastime?

80% of the child abuse cases within the Boy Scouts of America between 1970 and 1991 went unreported. Churches (Catholic and Protestant and other faiths) have hidden cases involving their clergy, youth leaders, and other members of their staffs.  School administrations have quietly moved accused offenders to other schools and positions.  Coaches of youth teams carry on abuse in locker rooms while others look the other way. The perpetrators are not strangers.  In fact, more than 90% of the children who suffer sexual abuse know their abusers.

A report of child abuse is made every ten seconds.  What about all the other, unreported instances?

Why do so many people feel it’s okay to harm our vulnerable children?  Apparently, many people do feel this way, because there are so many abusers and so many people and organizations that cover it up.   When we hear about it, we act shocked, shake our heads in dismay, then go on with our lives.  In effect, those of us who do nothing to stop it are helping to perpetuate it.

Has this national shame become a national pastime, simply another tolerated violence like boxing and hunting?  I hope not.

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Sex: Not Just the Catholic Church

December 19, 2018 Comments Off on Sex: Not Just the Catholic Church

This is NOT a defense of the sexual abuse by Catholic priests. We’re  very aware of their unconscionable crimes because priests are the ones getting most of the press. This is a warning that sexual abuse of children and adults and its cover-up is prevalent in many positions of authority. Here are only two.

Boy Scouts of America: This organization has 2.7 million kids and one million  volunteers. Before 1994, they had reports of approximately 2000 cases of abuse . Between 1992 and 2012, the courts ordered the BSA to release files that they were keeping secret. Only 1000 were revealed between 1965 and 1985. The courts now have 1800 out of 6000 files, with the others being kept secret by the BSA for “confidentiality” concerns.  Note that these numbers include only the boys who actually reported their abuse.

Police Officers: Here’s the list compiled by the Bowling Green State University–not including federal officers–of police officers arrested for sex crimes 2005 – 2013: 636 forcible fondling; 405 forcible rape; 219 forcible sodomy; 98 indecent exposure; 58 sexual assault with an object; 186 statutory rape. That totals 1,602 in eight years. Have these been covered up or simply dismissed within their ranks? We don’t know. All we know is that we haven’t heard of that many cases. And, again, the numbers reflects only the people who actually reported their abuse.

The point is, it’s not clergy (of any denomination) or youth leaders (BSA or any others) or police. It’s a society in which sexual crimes are far too abundant and too often covered up, leaving a trail of victims scarred for life. Plus a multitude of good people tarred with the same brush as the offenders in their job-categories.

It’s past time of blaming organizations and get down to fixing a society which is horrified by the abuse yet does little to change the attitudes and laws that keep these degrading, demeaning,  life-altering, emotional scars forming.

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Helping Flood Victims–Don’t Do This

September 1, 2017 Comments Off on Helping Flood Victims–Don’t Do This

There are tragedies and suffering from catastrophes in various parts of the world, including floods in our own country.  You probably want to help somehow. For most of us, all we can do is to donate to charities that are on the scene helping the victims.  Go ahead.  But be sure those donations do some real good for real people rather than enriching scam artists or CEOs.  Clark Howard offers some tips:

  • Don’t give cash. Legitimate charities will take a check.
  • Don’t give out your credit card, bank account or personal information to telemarketers. If you want to donate, initiate the call yourself.
  • Don’t fall for Internet appeals if the cause does not look legitimate and doesn’t check out. Make sure to do your research!
  • Expect specific information. Ask what kind of relief this organization is going to provide. Don’t accept vague explanations.
  • Check out the charity with national, state, and local authorities. Established charities register with the Internal Revenue Service. You can search for specific non-profit organizations on the IRS website: irs.gov.
  • Beware of newly formed organizations. If the charity is new, you may have to rely on your relationship with the company or sponsor of the organization to determine whether you trust the group.
  • Report abuses to the nearest Better Business Bureau and the State Attorney General’s office. Both are listed in local telephone directories. You can also report abuses to the National Fraud Information Center at (800) 876-7060. NFIC also has a web-based complaint form at www.fraud.org.

And here’s one of my own:  Check to see how much of your donation will go to charitable work as compared to administrative costs (including CEOs) and fundraising costs.  Look them up at www.CharityNavigator.org or the Better Business Bureau site www.BBB.give.org.

For more tips on donating, check out Clark’s Donation Guide.

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A Different Way to Celebrate Father’s Day

June 16, 2017 Comments Off on A Different Way to Celebrate Father’s Day

We know that we’re supposed to honor our fathers.  That’s difficult for an adult child of an alcoholic, someone who was abused or abandoned by his father physically or emotionally, a person remembering a workaholic, alcoholic, or drug-using dad, or a father who didn’t communicate except to yell and curse.  Many people grow up to perpetuate these actions, passing on the same negativity to their own children.

Father’s Day is a good day for those who feel harmed by their childhood experiences to take stock, being sure they are not passing on a legacy of destructive behavior.  They can help themselves, too, trying to let go of the hurt and even to forgive their fathers for their ignorance and lack of control. Of course it’s far from easy, but the burden, once dropped, leads to a happier life for the adult child and for his whole family.

As for those who grew up without carrying such a heavy load, give Dad an extra warm hug and “thank you” on Father’s Day.

 

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How NOT to Help

October 7, 2016 Comments Off on How NOT to Help

There are tragedies and suffering from catastrophes in various parts of the world, including floods in our own country.  You probably want to help somehow. For most of us, all we can do is to donate to charities that are on the scene helping the victims.  Go ahead.  But be sure those donations do some real good for real people rather than enriching scam artists or CEOs.  Clark Howard offers some tips:

  • Don’t give cash. Legitimate charities will take a check.
  • Don’t give out your credit card, bank account or personal information to telemarketers. If you want to donate, initiate the call yourself.
  • Don’t fall for Internet appeals if the cause does not look legitimate and doesn’t check out. Make sure to do your research!
  • Expect specific information. Ask what kind of relief this organization is going to provide. Don’t accept vague explanations.
  • Check out the charity with national, state, and local authorities. Established charities register with the Internal Revenue Service. You can search for specific non-profit organizations on the IRS website: irs.gov.
  • Beware of newly formed organizations. If the charity is new, you may have to rely on your relationship with the company or sponsor of the organization to determine whether you trust the group.
  • Report abuses to the nearest Better Business Bureau and the State Attorney General’s office. Both are listed in local telephone directories. You can also report abuses to the National Fraud Information Center at (800) 876-7060. NFIC also has a web-based complaint form at www.fraud.org.

And here’s one of my own:  Check to see how much of your donation will go to charitable work as compared to administrative costs (including CEOs) and fundraising costs.  Look them up at www.CharityNavigator.org or the Better Business Bureau site www.BBB.give.org.

For more tips on donating, check out Clark’s Donation Guide.

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Interesting Fact re: Abuse, Children, and Mothers

June 10, 2016 Comments Off on Interesting Fact re: Abuse, Children, and Mothers

According to  Steven Stosny, PhD (founder of CompassionPower), research has revealed an interesting fact: Children who grow up watching their mothers being abused are not only damaged but even more damaged than if they’re abused themselves.

Seems like common sense.  But maybe scientific proof will sink into the minds of abusers who love their children.  And prompt more people who observe such abuse to report it for the sake of the child.

 

 

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Parental Choice or Abuse?

February 3, 2015 Comments Off on Parental Choice or Abuse?

Two probable Presidential candidates (Christie and Paul) came out today advocating parental choice in whether to have children vaccinated against measles and other diseases.  Christie soon backtracked, but Paul remains adamant.  This idea of parental choice is one I hear often.  Let’s take a look at it.

First, remember that the controversy over vaccinations began many years ago, as the result of a report–since discredited as unscientific and inaccurate–and a claim by a researcher–since exposed as as self-serving and fudging the data.  The scientific world totally denies Rand Paul’s absurd statement that vaccines cause mental illness or any other condition.

Back to parental choice.  The choice not to vaccinate a child is a choice to put him in danger of being one out of the nine babies out of ten in a room exposed to measles to catch that disease and possibly suffer resulting hearing loss, deafness, pneumonia, encephalitis, or even death.

Parents don’t have a legal choice to beat their children, starve them, lock them in a closet, or leave them alone for several days.  That’s called “child abuse” or “child endangerment.”  Refusing to provide a child with proven protection against a potentially debilitating disease–how is that “choice” rather than “child abuse/endangerment?”

 

 

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Don’t Be Charitable to Scammers

December 15, 2014 Comments Off on Don’t Be Charitable to Scammers

You may be tempted to give in to charitable appeals between now and Dec. 31, the deadline to claim them on your 2014 taxes.  But be sure those donations do some real good for real people rather than enriching scam artists or CEOs.  Clark Howard offers some tips:

  • Don’t give cash. Legitimate charities will take a check.
  • Don’t give out your credit card, bank account or personal information to telemarketers. If you want to donate, initiate the call yourself.
  • Don’t fall for Internet appeals if the cause does not look legitimate and doesn’t check out. Make sure to do your research!
  • Expect specific information. Ask what kind of relief this organization is going to provide. Don’t accept vague explanations.
  • Check out the charity with national, state, and local authorities. Established charities register with the Internal Revenue Service. You can search for specific non-profit organizations on the IRS website: irs.gov.
  • Beware of newly formed organizations. If the charity is new, you may have to rely on your relationship with the company or sponsor of the organization to determine whether you trust the group.
  • Report abuses to the nearest Better Business Bureau and the State Attorney General’s office. Both are listed in local telephone directories. You can also report abuses to the National Fraud Information Center at (800) 876-7060. NFIC also has a web-based complaint form at www.fraud.org.

And here’s one of my own:  Check to see how much of your donation will go to charitable work as compared to administrative costs (including CEOs) and fundraising costs.  Look them up at www.CharityNavigator.org or the Better Business Bureau site www.BBB.give.org.

For more tips on donating, check out Clark’s Donation Guide.

 

 

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