| 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve You, but don’t start anything.”
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
6. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” Well, “It’s Not Unusual.”
7. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
8. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.12.
9. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
10. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!”
11. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
12. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Tomorrow I’ll try to be somewhat intelligent and mature again, but no promises. |
