Tag Archive for friend

Winning an Argument with a Loved One

The more politics invades our lives, the more conflicting news and half-truths bombard us, the harder it is to avoid “discussions” that turn into arguments. And–darn it!–we’re right, so we deserve to win! This is especially hard with older adults, who feel they’ve lived long enough to have a very good perspective on life and how things should be.

The best way to win an argument with a friend or loved one is to avoid letting it come between you and, if nothing else, finally agree to disagree. Getting there is the problem, though.

How to Avoid Arguments When Discussing Politics with a Loved One was written with our seniors in mind but offers good advice for such discussions with any of our loved ones–or others, for that matter. It explains the dynamics of those situations and offers six concrete ways we can, in fact, have an animated discussion and still share a hug afterwards.

Fake News isn’t New

I stumbled on this article at a time when I was gritting my teeth over a “news” story that had been emailed to me by a friend, who got it from her friend, and so on and so on.  My friend is an intelligent person, but sometimes she blindly accepts as factual what she receives from a friend she trusts.   (I used to do that, too.)

This article from FactCheck.Org, How to Spot Fake News, offers a list of things we can do to be sure that what we’re reading or hearing is true.  I’ll list them here, and you can go to the article to read detailed explanations of each.

  • Consider the source.
  • Read beyond the headline.
  • Check the author.
  • What’s the support?
  • Check the date.
  • Is this some kind of joke?
  • Check your biases.
  • Consult the experts.

I know it seems  like a lot of work.  But it’s worth it if we can nip rumor and misinformation in the bud so that we can know, and act on, the truth.

 

Help a Friend with Mental Illness

I know people struggling with depression or who are bipolar or have other conditions–friends with mental illnesses they try to hide, and friends with a mental illness that is very apparent.  You probably do, too, since one in four people experience it within any given year.  Sometimes, dealing with them isn’t easy.  Because I care for them, I want to support them; I want to make their lives more livable.  But I’m not a professional, and I don’t want to do or say something that would be harmful to them.

An article I read recently gave me some answers.  “How to Help a Friend with Mental Illness” offers five simple recommendations: 1) Listen to what they are saying.  2) Validate what they are saying. 3) Ask what they need.  4) Educate yourself about their experience. 5) Keep being a friend. (See explanations at http://www.care2.com/greenliving/how-to-help-a-friend-with-a-mental-illness.html.)

I’m trying to apply these steps to my friends.  I hope others will apply them to me when I need them.

 

How to Spot Fake News

I stumbled on this article at a time when I was gritting my teeth over a “news” story that had been emailed to me by a friend, who got it from her friend, and so on and so on.  My friend is an intelligent person, but sometimes she blindly accepts as factual what she receives from a friend she trusts.   (I used to do that, too.)

This article from FactCheck.Org, How to Spot Fake News, offers a list of things we can do to be sure that what we’re reading or hearing is true.  I’ll list them here, and you can go to the article to read detailed explanations of each.

  • Consider the source.
  • Read beyond the headline.
  • Check the author.
  • What’s the support?
  • Check the date.
  • Is this some kind of joke?
  • Check your biases.
  • Consult the experts.

I know it seems  like a lot of work.  But it’s worth it if we can nip rumor and misinformation in the bud so that we can know, and act on, the truth.

 

Personal: The Human Touch

Thank you for your patience while I took some time off from my blog (as well as from many other things).  It has been a hard space in my life, laying to rest my beloved husband of 35+ years.  Being without him will continue to be hard.

But the experience reminded me of the importance of the human touch.  His fingers grazing mine when he needed something from the bedside table he couldn’t reach.  His smile as I rubbed his feet while we talked, with me doing most of the talking.  Mutual reassurance at 3 A.M. when I’d hear irregular breathing, lay a hand on his chest, and feel the pattern change to calmness.  That little current flowing between us as we held hands for our morning couple-prayers, even after the actual words came only through my lips.

Hugs of children, grand-children, and friends–hugs that brought healing tears and pushed away fears and anticipated loneliness.  And all their cheek-kisses, back caresses, adjusting wayward strands of our hair, finger massages, and quiet hand-holding for both of us and for each other.

During times of grave illness and death, loving people are frustrated because they really do want to do something to help.  So they say, “If there’s anything at all that I can do….”  What I want to say to many of them is that their simple touch brought us both so much comfort and encouragement.  To others I’d say that God gave us each a body so we can minister to each other through the grace of a simple human touch.

 

 

Ongoing Thanksgiving

Usually on Thursdays I offer you a short quote (a “Thursday Thought”).  But I took yesterday off to enjoy Thanksgiving with my family.  The gathering of our small family brought joy to my heart, and that joy brought even more gratitude.  So today I pass on to you a little of what I am thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving YEAR!